Not Me Monday

If you haven't heard about "Not Me Monday", take a visit to McMama's site to learn the rules. (And, if you haven't ever read McMama's site, set aside some time, grab a box of tissues and be ready to be amazed!) Basically, it's a raw and honest 'confessional', of the things that none of us would 'not' do during our daily lives.

This is my first time participating.... so here goes!

"Not Me Monday"



Thursday afternoon as I was late heading out the door, I did not avoid answering a phone call from my mother. She 85 years old, for the love of Pete! That might have been her final phone call and I certainly would not be so selfish as to walk away and tell myself I'd just call her later!



While volunteering at school on Tuesday, I most certainly did not ask Brett's teacher to talk to the students about constantly having their fingers in their mouths and digging in their noses. I would not be so rude as to assume that she did not notice these things or that if she did, that they were okay with her.



Since I am on a quest for health and fitness, I did not tuck my candy wrappers under other garbage already in the trash bin. A cheap sugar-fix would not be worth cramming my hand into vegetable peelings, egg shells, junk mail and coffee grounds.



I did not forget to take Ryan to band practice on Friday morning. He's been in band long enough for this to be routine. I have a calendar... I know the schedule... I would never forget such a thing!!



After "Bunco" Thursday night, I did not come home and replay everything I said, wondering if I sounded stupid or needy. That would be sooo Junior High and I'm way too mature to be that insecure!

There you have it... anyone else?

Trying Something New

We'll see if this works.

One of the Bloggers I stalk, I mean, read, is "Mama's Losin' It". Check her out... she's funny!! On occasion, she gives little "assignments" to her readers and today, I thought I'd participate.

The prompt are....
1.) You awaken with amnesia in what looks to be an igloo. You have $4 and a rock in one pocket, and a toothbrush in the other. Someone is staring at you. Write this scene.
2.) Write a 16-line poem (rhyming or non-rhyming) about a moment from your childhood that changed your life for the better.
3.) You're sitting at work one day and receive a text message from an unrecognized number. The text says, "I have the money and hid the body." You think this is a practical joke from a friend, so you play along at first. But the more texts you receive, the more you realize that it isn't a joke. Write the text conversation you have with this unknown texter.
4.) 10 of my absolute worst pet peeves...
5.) Fictionalize an event that happened to one of your parents, friends, or siblings.

I choose- 4). 10 of my absolute worst pet peeves...


In no particular order-

1. People who do not take responsibility for themselves. If everyone (read husband and kids, as well as others) would take personal responsibility for their lives, our world would be a much better place. This can be as simple as taking your Halloween candy wrappers to the trash instead of leaving them on the sofa. And, if it is your job to teach children about responsibility, do it!!

2. People who NEVER cut their hair. 3 ft long hair is disgusting. It is not shiny or pretty or healthy.... it's gross. You don't get extra points for being able to grow dead cells out of your scalp. Get a haircut already!!

3. People who are closed-minded. This includes everything from religion to how to eat a piece of hard candy. I kid-you-not, I know someone who actually thinks the only way to eat a piece of hard candy is to suck on it until it's gone. My son was reprimanded by this person for eating his candy the "wrong" way. Open your minds, people. There's room for many ideas!!

4. Whiny, tattletale kids. I know that sometimes we get used to the way our kids talk to us because we hear it all day long, but try volunteering in a classroom or spending time with someone else's kids for a while and you will easily be able to hear the whining!! Then, use those listening skills on your own children. If they are whining... they need to stop. And tattletales... don't get me started. No one wants to be friends with a tattletale- don't you want your kids to have friends?

5. Parents who drop off or pick up their kids up from school and park in the most convenient location so their little princess doesn't have to walk and extra 20 steps to the car. Our school has a loop, so when Princess's Mommy parks right in the middle of the loop, everyone else has to parallel park around her. That's just rude! Also, turn off your damn car. You're waiting for 10 minutes with the SUV idling while the parents who had to park across the parking lot because you hogged all the space, are breathing all your nasty car fumes. If you are so hot or cold that you have to run your car for temperature reasons, you might want to re-think how you're dressing.

6. People who drive slow. I know I'm probably not going to shave off that much time during my commute by going a little faster. That's not the point. I just don't have the patience to drive behind someone who is farting around. If there is no one in front of you.... drive until there is!! It's easy!!

7. The empty toilet roll. I live with a husband and two boys. Apparently having a penis must somehow take away the ability to replace the roll of toilet paper. It's an interesting phenomenon that someone really should study.

8. I hate it when people ask what I do for a living and when I tell them I'm a stay at home mom, their eyes glaze over they have no idea what to say. I think if I told them I sold crack out of my garage, they'd be more interested in my life than they are when they find out that I'm doing the most important job ever, in my opinion.

9. People who are in constant motion. You know, the ones who always tap their pens or kick their feet against the table leg. Chill out!! If you can't get it together, we have meds for you!!

10. Last, but not least, I really hate it when people don't allow kids to be kids. Kids don't know everything... it's not their fault. They should be allowed to make mistakes in order to learn. They should be allowed to be physical in order to get out extra energy. They should be allowed to get in arguments and disagreements with their peers... it's how they learn. They should be allowed to have a learning curve. Not all kids learn respect and responsibility and basic social skills at the same time. There needs to be a learning curve for these things and there needs to be patience and understanding when dealing with kids who are doing the best they can with what they have.

Accountability

Accountability. Big word... big meaning. In order to have accountability I feel I must share some "truths" about myself.

In the past two weeks I think I have finally realized why I have a weight problem. I don't have a thyroid disorder.... I'm not taking medication that causes me to be "puffy". I consume too damn many calories and I don't exercise enough to burn all those calories. There it is... it's out there. Is anyone surprised? Here's the funny part... I am!! I guess I am the only one this problem was not obvious to. I wish to God that I had a valid excuse for being in the morbidly obese category, but I don't. It's just me... all me!! If anyone is thinking of making a lifestyle change, I encourage them to set a date of a few weeks out before they begin. It has really given me a good look at my current lifestyle. Currently, I usually don't eat until late afternoon. Now, it's after I pick up my kids from school (around 3:30). Then I start eating and don't stop until I go to bed. While I cook dinner, I nibble and taste and consume enough calories to count for dinner, and then I eat dinner. Then, when I'm cleaning up, I'm still eating. I figure why throw out food... it's only a couple of bites. A friend said it's the BLT (bites, licks, nibbles) that can really get a person into trouble.

Also, I'm a major stress eater. My son's teacher called this afternoon (day 2 of school, thank you very much), to tell me he has been smarting off in class, trying to win whatever imaginary election he's come up with in his head for "class clown". He's a smarty pants, I know!! We recently spent the weekend with friends and all the men were "silly"... it's all he knows!! The big "infraction" today was that he pretended to walk into the side of the building, throwing his head back, grabbing his nose as if he had really smacked himself in the face. Apparently this is not funny at Farwell Elementary. Last weekend at Priest Lake when his dad's friend did it, it was hilarious. Now, not so much. He's a 10 year old, insecure boy trying to fit in. Anyway, the house is quiet, it's time to start dinner and it's all I can do to not polish off the half bag of BBQ chips that have been taunting me all day!! It's when the house is quiet and I'm left to my own thoughts and insecurities that I make bad food choices. I've decided that I can't keep "bad" food in the house because in these moments... I have NO willpower. None.... zip... zero.... nada!! With the "wonderful" boys that God has given me, these moments happen quite often. I'm sure anyone with kids will agree that when someone starts questioning your parenting abilities, it pushes all the wrong buttons. Don't get me wrong.... I really like Ryan's teacher and I don't fault her for calling me... it just hits that place that makes me feel like nothing else can!

Sheez, I didn't mean for this to be such a downer. On a lighter note, I've been choosing healthy foods for 2 days now (minus the few fries w/ketchup I stole from my kids yesterday). I've been eating 3 meals and two snacks per day and I feel like I'm making myself eat when I'm not even hungry. Next week, I'll start back to the gym. That's always pleasant. You can only imagine what it's like to be the fattie at the gym that people avoid eye contact with while they push the speed up a little faster on their treadmills. Big ol boost for the ego!! I'd like to get a t-shirt that says "Suck It", but given the size of my chest, I think the meaning may get misinterpreted.

Yesterday, I had a friend take photos of me wearing a bra and bike short. Go ahead, take a moment, make a mental picture, you can laugh, it's okay. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I think I have ever done. I think I could have made a porno and not felt as horrible as I did standing in the mug-shot positions, with fat hanging off of places that I didn't even know were fat. If I end up being a size 4 or something, maybe I will publish the "before" photos. For now, they are a record of something that cannot be denied.

I've already spent too much time on this blog, but it has kept me out of the chips. I'm off to make bbq salmon, sauteed spinach and mushrooms and baked sweet potatoes.... yummy-nummy.

Clarification

I guess I should clarify a few things. My diet doesn't really start on Monday.... I just thought it would be a funny title since I've probably started 1,000 diets on a Monday, only to quit by Tuesday. My plan is to start a 12-week program beginning in September. I really feel ready! I have a friend who is doing it with me, so I think that will really help me stay motivated.

Having an awareness that my lifestyle is about to change has made me pay attention to how I am currently living. Yikes!! It's no wonder I'm in the state I'm in. Too much coffee, too few meals throughout the day, too many salty snacks, too many adult beverages!! It's surprising I haven't collapsed from a heart attack!!

I'm really looking forward to going back to the gym!! It gives me time to think and time to de-stress. That will be my favorite part. Going to Twigs with my girlfriends and ordering iced tea and a plain salad with no dressing will be my least-favorite part. I really like good, tasty food and yummy drinks. How will I ever survive?

Thank you to my friends, for your phone calls and words of support. Just remember how much you like me when I'm grouchy and whiny from food-withdrawals.

Let's see if this works!!

Well, I've tried just about everything else, so what do I have to lose but a little pride!! I'm going to try blogging as a way to help me lose weight. Hopefully this forum will be my accountability. My plan is to log in my daily eating (honestly) and my exercise schedule. If I get brave, I'll also include photos of my progress. I'm sure I'll also share little pieces of my life as the days go by, so if you need a good laugh.... here's the place to be!! If anyone has help or encouragement, please leave me a comment. I need all the help I can get!

Oh, holy crap.... I just weighed myself!! I haven't weighed myself in a very long time and I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Honestly, I could be a defensive linebacker for the NFL... I could qualify for gastric bypass surgery.... I might need a seat belt extender to fly coach.... I might need to stay in my bed and have friends bring me food and a port-a-potty because I'm too big to fit through my damn doorway.... just walking could cause the bones in my legs and feet to splinter. Good God.... how did this happen?

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, it's time for a change for the better!! Right!! Maybe watching the Olympics has inspired me to be a healthier person.... dang, that Michael Phelps... whew!!

I'll post again at the end of the day with my progress. For now, I'm going to check to see if we have any extra king size flat sheets I could possibly fashion into a dress so I'll have something to wear when you come to visit and bring me buckets of chicken and a chocolate cake!